As family caregivers, we understand that our children see our roles and responsibilities in taking care of someone we love and often want to step up to help. However, it can be difficult to have a conversation with them about how they can help while also setting boundaries. The challenge of understanding a child’s age-appropriate assistance and emotional readiness to be a part of caregiving can leave many a parent feeling out of their depth and overwhelmed. This article will provide an overview of how to talk to children about their role in caregiving and the best approaches for setting boundaries, while also providing resources for caregivers feeling the strain of having such conversations.
Learning Objectives
Create a safe, judgment-free space for effective communication with their children regarding caregiving.
Establish age-appropriate boundaries for their children regarding caregiving responsibilities.
Have informed conversations about emergency plans in the case of medical emergencies.
The first step to striking a balance between meeting your child's needs and setting caregiving boundaries is creating a safe space for communication. Encourage your child to express themselves and be open to their questions and recommendations for helping. Make sure to validate their feelings and let them know that it’s OK to express any and all emotions. Not only that, but it’s essential to listen actively. All too often we are so busy with our responsibilities that we forget to take the time to truly listen to what our kids are saying. But taking the time to listen and understand your child’s feelings can help them feel safe and supported, and is a vital step in creating an environment where sensitive conversations about caregiving boundaries can be had.
Once you’ve established a safe space for communication, it’s time to talk to your children about caregiving. It’s important to be open and honest with them in an age-appropriate way about what it means to be a caregiver and the responsibilities that come with it. Explain to them that caregiving is more than just providing physical care or helping with chores; it also requires a lot of time, patience, and emotional support. Show your child that you appreciate their assistance while setting the boundaries you are comfortable with as their parent and the responsible adult.
One of the most important things to consider when setting boundaries is your child’s age and emotional maturity. Depending on the age of your child, you should take the time to explain what tasks are appropriate for them to help out with. Setting boundaries not only protects your children from feelings of guilt or burden, it also helps prevent them from taking on more than you are ready to ask them to handle.
When setting boundaries for your kids, it’s important to make sure they are aware of the plans you have in place for any care-related emergencies. While it may be difficult to discuss, talking to your children about what would happen if something happened to you or the person you are taking care of is a critical step in safeguarding them. Having age-appropriate conversations around emergency plans can help them feel secure in the case of a medical emergency.
It is important to acknowledge the feelings of the care recipient as well when having conversations about caregiving responsibilities with your children. While it can be tempting to involve them out of necessity and a need for extra care, it is important to respect the person receiving care by taking into account their autonomy and allowing them to make their own decisions about who is involved in their caregiving. Make sure to ask your children to consider how they can best help the care recipient in a way that will still allow them to maintain their independence and decision-making power.
As a caregiver, it can be tempting to put yourself last and ignore any emotions you may be feeling about the difficult conversations you’re having with your children. Remember that you are an equally important member of your caregiving team and that expressing your own feelings can be a great way to connect with your children and relate to their experiences. Acknowledging your fears and worries about caregiving can lead to a better understanding and connection between you and your children.
As family caregivers, having conversations with our children about caregiving and setting boundaries can be daunting. It is important to remember that allowing our children to understand and participate in caregiving in an age-appropriate way can be beneficial for their emotional and personal growth. By creating a safe, judgment-free space for communication, explaining what it means to be a caregiver, thinking about what tasks are appropriate for them to help with, making plans for emergencies and acknowledging both our and our children’s emotions, we can make sure that our children are supported and secure.
Resources
Sibling Center: https://siblingcenter.org/
Hidden Helpers: https://hiddenheroes.org/resources/hiddenhelpers/
American Association of Caregiving Youth: https://aacy.org/
APA: https://www.apa.org/pi/about/publications/caregivers/practice-settings/intervention/young-caregivers